Stir of Echoes
by Jade Dupree
Summary: Alec is haunted by the echoes of his past...


**Title:** Stir of Echoes

**Author:** Jade Dupree

**Rating:** PG-13/T

**Warning:** Some cursing, mentions of sex and drinking

**Show:** Dark Angel

**Genre:** Angst/Tragedy/Torture

**Story Type:** Stand Alone

**Pairing:** Alec/Rachel, Max/Logan

**Complete:** Yes

**Summary:** Alec is haunted by the echoes of his past...

Written for the December/January Challenge Prompt - Titles: Stir of Echoes

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any part of the TV show 'Dark Angel', any and all characters from the TV show belong to the creators of said TV show. I do not own or have anything to do with Jensen Ackles or any of the other people who play characters on Dark Angel. I am not making any money from this fan fiction, it is an idea I had for the December/January '09 Challenge at Raising Hell. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Author's Note:** This story takes place after Alec has visited Rachel's grave, but before he returns to work at Jam Pony. Also please note, I selected 'Torture' as a warning because Alec is sorta torturing himself with his memories of Rachel, as well as how he feels toward Max, Logan and their relationship.

The pain wouldn't subside, even after he apologized. Even after he said goodbye and returned her necklace. Would there be no reprieve from his past sins, from the things they had made him do? Of course, he could have fought against them; he did fight against them, albeit rather too late. And she was the one who suffered the consequences of his actions.

Did that mean he was to never know peace again? Never know forgiveness? He was sure that she had held on until he could say he was sorry; in a way he felt that was how she forgave him, but her father didn't share his daughter's sympathy for the man that ultimately caused her death.

He could still remember her soft lips, how they felt when she kissed him. Their first kiss as they swam together in the pool house, he couldn't imagine anything more perfect. That had been the first time he had ever kissed a girl, had contact beyond what they regulated and he couldn't get enough. With every chance he got, he had to kiss her, had to feel her against his body as she showed him something he had never known before. Love. It was months, or was it years, after that which he had learned the actual art of sex. Before that, with Rachel, he had been happily naive, enjoying the simple splendor of kissing her lips each day. Even now, he couldn't dare mar that beautiful young woman's memory with seedy thoughts, not the way he thought of other women he was attracted to, no, not his Rachel. She was the only one he wanted to make love to, the only one he truly ever wanted to be with, but alas, he knew that they were never meant to be. When he was there as her piano instructor, he knew then, but wanted to deny it with every fiber in his body.

At night he could hear the sounds of a piano being played far away. Once, he tried to find out if anyone in the apartment building played the instrument or listened to music that was solely piano sounds. He found none and the music continued to haunt his dreams. Even now, if he listened close enough, he could hear the faint sounds of Beethoven's Fifth being played. The cold chills of the song would race down his spine and he'd shiver unintentionally. Most people thought that song was beautiful, at one point he had as well, but now he hated that song with a passion. She had loved it too much for him to ever enjoy it now.

Maybe that was why he continued to suck down the scotch night after night. He just wanted to forget. If he couldn't be forgiven, then all he wanted to do was forget.

He had heard Max talk about how she couldn't wait to get the cure just so she could shake Logan's hand, listened as they both denied their feelings for each other and he could only scoff. Sure they had the virus to worry about, but did that really mean they couldn't say they loved each other? Couldn't admit to each other or others that they cared deeply? Had Max learned nothing from his experience with Rachel? While she might not have known all the details, she had known most and the rest wasn't all that hard to put together. He had no idea what love was, had no idea what was happening to him and by the time he realized, his efforts were for not. What was her excuse? If you loved someone, you had to let them know, otherwise, you might never get a chance and tomorrow they could be gone forever.

At least they still had someone he couldn't help but think bitterly. What did he have? A couple of old bottles of scotch, but that wasn't something you could hold at night when the cold and loneliness set in. Sure he could go find an able-bodied woman, willing and ready for a night of nothing but raw sex, but what good would that do you when you wanted love? He didn't have that anymore, might never have it again and he couldn't help but be a little pissed at both Max and Logan for playing it on the safe side when it came to the love they obviously had for each other.

As Alec stared into his half empty glass of scotch, he swallowed hard before he gritted his teeth. He tried not to think about her, about his sweet Rachel, but the regrets of yesterday would not leave him alone. They hounded him senselessly and he could find no rest. The glass was lifted to his lips; the liquid gave a slight burn as it past down his throat. All he wanted to do now was forget.

If only that were possible.


End file.
